“A look at relationships, boundaries, and other issues when it comes to love”

A fascination with how musicians and creative people live and love obviously exists. Being tracked by paparazzi, reporters, media outlets, and fans is getting more prevalent and aggressive. Some artists choose to live life in the limelight. Others who try desperately to keep private either manage to evade public attention or still get bombarded by relentless followers. The perpetual intrigue has spawned a narrative that is cultivated by documentaries, news reports, biographies, interviews, publications, and personal stories.

What are stigmas & stereotypes surrounding musicians and relationships?

Has loose morals & lives the fast life. Revels in wild parties, groupies, substances & all kinds of indulgences. Rolls with an entourage. Promiscuous. Unfaithful. Not family oriented. Noncommittal, will not settle down. Not dependable. Rich and will pay for everything. Broke, penniless, starving because pursuing a worthless profession. Lazy and do not want to work a real job. Uneducated. Threat to traditional values.

Perceptions, Misconceptions & Reality

Fact is, the stereotypes are compiled from accounts of musicians’ lives past and present. Stories are told from viewpoint of musician or their colleagues, family, friends & observers. Nevertheless, the generalizations do not apply to every artist. The long-standing stigmas play a role in shaping the bad perceptions of musicians. The misconceptions of this career choice can bring on scrutiny, judgment, condemnation, and rejection for what people think or believe to be true about the lifestyle.

We know being a musician and creative is not always as fun and easy as it looks. The onstage or work persona doesn’t always match who we are offstage or away from work. Expectations and demands can pull us in many directions. The lifestyle offers a spectrum of experiences, good and bad, healthy and unhealthy.

Making long-term commitments to relationships when your first love is your music or creative career can be a challenge. The pressure to choose between the two might arise, but balance can be found by establishing priorities, communicating with openness and honesty, and choosing wisely.

Relationship Priorities, Communication & Choices

If having a love relationship is important, you will need to establish that as a priority in your life. Love is a feeling and an action. Love takes focus, work, effort, and time. Finding genuine love can be a task for a musician. Not everyone will understand or be able to put up with the life of an artist, particularly the demanding schedule, creative stints, unpredictable success, and fandemonium. This is probably why many artists find relationships to be challenging.

Just because the life of a musician is often misunderstood doesn’t mean you can’t find someone to share it with and love you through it, if that’s what you desire. Don’t settle for just anyone or leave your relationships to chance. Pray you can be led to the type of person created just for you – the one you need to live a blessed, full life. The special one who loves and supports you authentically through it all. You want someone that’ll make you better, not pull you down. Pray you can give the same in return and be a blessing as well in the relationship.

It helps to have a clear understanding of your goals and desires before entering into serious relationships. Be intentional about getting to know a person through engaging conversation, casual outings, and careful consideration before taking the next steps. Take note, a marriage is harder to get out of than it is to enter into so take your time and make well thought out decisions before you say “I Do”.

Open and honest communication are key to the survival rate of all relationships. Dreams, goals, needs, desires, and issues must be talked through because we can’t read each other’s minds. Attentive listening is necessary to understand from both sides and produce a resolution that stabilizes the relationship. Communication builds trust and reduces insecurity.

A professional musician spends a lot of time away from home with gigs and tours. No matter the environment, the real constant that never changes is opportunity versus choice. One bad decision often leads to another misstep, with negative consequences not far behind. Persons or situations that undermine beliefs, morals, convictions, and intuition are red flags. Unhealthy relationship choices cause stress, strain, diminished creativity and performance. Duplicity, promiscuity, and adultery induce toxic relationships and broken families. The choice to sacrifice it all for momentary pleasure or a good time isn’t usually worth the aftermath. Poor relationship choices bear heavily on our overall wellness. We can experience anxiety, jealousy, anger, pain, loneliness, depression, illness, instability, legal or financial consequences. The social trauma associated with bad relationships presents as inability to trust or get close again, avoidance of social environments, and negative views.

Ideally, it would be best to go into a relationship with a healthy mindset. For most of us, that’s not always the case. We enter relationships with worldview and unresolved issues. We can be triggered by each other’s actions and responses. Feelings are valid and should never be minimized. If you’re already in a committed relationship or married, devote time to have regular heart to heart conversations in a peaceful manner to work through the issues and stay on the same page.

In order to keep love relationships in perspective, you must be true to yourself and faithful to your commitments, spouse, and family. Remember the decisions you make affect you, those you love, and anyone else involved. That’s why it’s necessary we persistently check ourselves when opportunity presents itself and choose with wisdom what matters most for all involved.

Setting Boundaries

Creative people have an innate sense of openness and freedom to explore new things, new ideas, new possibilities. We have a natural bent toward navigating uncharted waters. If freedom of thought and desire for new experiences is left unbridled, trouble could arise.

Regardless of the fame level, musicians attract attention and people want to be around, to get up close and personal. Most times, before we show up to a gig, the environment is already set. People at the venue are there to help, watch & listen, or potentially carry out selfish, harmful agendas. We need discernment to know the difference and be proactive about defining limits. Backstage, onstage, and offstage safeguards and security protocols should be put in place to keep you and crew from being imposed upon by uninvited, unwanted guests.

Be mindful of and vigilant about who has access to you and your personal space. Hangers-on are everywhere looking for any opportunity to be in the mix and will get to you by any means necessary. Beware of people who just want to be in your life for personal gain, opportunity, and influence. Guard close communication by only giving direct, personal contact information to preferred individuals. Not everyone should have your personal number. Route and screen calls through a designated representative or get an alternate number through a virtual phone number provider to direct business calls.

Be watchful of traps and enticements. Know that not everyone has your best interest at heart. There are people who will take advantage of you, lie on you, and steal from you. Have a trusted person with you as often as possible. Keep your eyes open and have a plan of how to respond when approached or faced with a trying situation. Don’t hesitate to leave the scene before things escalate or you become compromised.

Just because you’re a musician doesn’t obligate you to share every detail about your personal life with the world. Don’t let the intrusive public eye pressure you, intimidate you, or put a damper on your love relationship. You have a right to privacy.

If you are unsafe, stalked, threatened, or harassed in public, by phone, email, social media, or delivery, keep record of the occurrences and document the communication through screenshot, print, or saved audio. Share the information with a trusted person and file a report with law enforcement. Remember to report to designated officials/platform where incident took place. Block the source on your device or related platform if you receive communication you deem unwanted, unwarranted, or inappropriate. Be aware of all possibilities and do not hesitate to take immediate action for your safety and sanity. Always call 911 if in immediate danger.

The Keys to Harmonious Love

A relationship is not a solo performance where one person takes the lead and it is all about them. The best relationships are like a well-tuned ensemble. Hearts and lives come together in harmony to love, cherish, honor, respect, support, enjoy, and grow. Each person should be willing to communicate regularly, listen and adjust as needed, never overpower the other, and develop a mutual understanding of one another to effectively reach relationship goals. Issues will come up in relationships. Mistakes and errors will be made because we’re imperfect humans. The main thing is to be willing to work through the problems and conflict to achieve a solution that helps the relationship thrive. Love will sustain and endure when we walk in loyalty, devotion, truth, forgiveness, and peace.

Love and loyalty will come together; goodness and peace will unite.
Psalm 85:10 CEV

The fire of love stops at nothing—it sweeps everything before it. Flood waters can’t drown love, torrents of rain can’t put it out. Love can’t be bought, love can’t be sold—it’s not to be found in the marketplace.
Song of Solomon 8:6 MSG

Love is a special word, and I use it only when I mean it. You say the word too much and it becomes cheap.
Ray Charles

We’ve got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can’t just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it’s going to get on by itself. You’ve got to keep watering it. You’ve got to really look after it and nurture it.
John Lennon

Love is like nothing else on this earth, but only when it is shared with someone wonderful like you.
Mandy Moore

I can live only wholly with you or not at all.
Ludwig van Beethoven

LifeNotes online publication written and edited by Hope N. Jones. All rights reserved. Unauthorized duplication and distribution prohibited.